11/9/2021 07:01:06 pm
I too am struggling with feelings of what's going to happen to my mom. As they get older, we too get older. I promised my mom I would never put her in a nursing home as long as I am alive and able to care for her. My mom, thank God is still very independent in her mind and spirit but, her health says otherwise. I watch her daily become dehumanized by the constant pains she can't seem to get rid of. It seems as one issue gets positive results, another part of her physical self starts to act up. She just can't get a break. I have to watch this, unable to help her. All I can do is be there. I plan to do just that as long as I live. Stay strong Ms. Greene. Do the best you can for your mom but, you gotta do you. She definitely wants that.
11/9/2021 08:06:24 pm
Jeanine, Thank you so much. The struggle is real. I think it is so important to balance care for yourself as you care for your mom. If you decide to care for your mom at home, there is help. There is companion care, which helped me quite a bit in the beginning. The problem for me was my mom did not qualify for any financial assistance since she made more than the $840 per month. That number is so ridiculously low that it hurts. So a lot of our help came out of pocket and that hurt too. But, now, I do what I can, and I have made my own health, both physical and mental, a priority. I was ignoring myself in the first few years, and it caught up to me. I wish you the best, and it is so good to connect to others going through what you're going through. This is something I have found that helps me.
11/9/2021 08:25:30 pm
I’ve followed your thoughts on this theme for as long as you’ve been writing them because I know the topic all too well. (Also because we’ve know each other for over thirty years now and been through some stuff!) I wasn’t conflicted about the decision,as you are and I can understand that, but first for my dad and then my mom, because dad’s was hospice and later mom’s was because she was bedfast. They each needed care that I could not provide. I had no choice. Dad’s was only about three weeks. Later mom’s was six months. But it was hell for me, the most stressful period of my life stretching over about 15 months. I went every day to be with her. I nearly had a breakdown towards the end. Looking back, I can only say this: You do what you must do for their well-being and safety, and for yours. You must make the decision based on this. It’s not easy and doesn’t get easier. It gets harder. There might be one small caveat if there’s a bridge group for your mom…if she still plays and if it’s there. I can only tell you that I feel this deeply and I get it. Pray through the decision and for the right place. Sending love and hugs. ❤️
11/10/2021 02:35:13 am
Guilt is a real and legitimate nature response to living outside yourself. I too have rustled with how to save myself while providing excellent quality care for my mother. Difference is, I’m the youngest of 6 much older siblings ranging 11 to 17 years my senior. I had no cooperation only folks who wanted to strip and take. Then I look at my two children, one express their unwillingness to take us in our twilight years but telling us to make sure we have enough long-term insurance to support us, while the adult child is more compassionate but with less resources then the other. My point is, do the best you can and just let the staff know your parent is special to you and the world, hope that resonate into stellar and compassionate care.
11/11/2021 10:23:31 pm
Jeaniene! I feel for you. And I get it even though my mom is younger and still able. I haven’t talk to my mom in three days because she has been kind of rough on me lately, and I feel so guilty about it! Anyway it was nice to listen to your thoughts. Helpful. Lots of love to you!
11/12/2021 07:58:23 pm
My beautiful Benny sister! I had no idea! I stumbled across your blog, through FB…..you are not alone! I went through the struggle with my grandmother….I am here!
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