On a regular basis, several times a week, my mom complains that I "never do what (she) wants," or "I never listen to what (she) has to say." These proclamations often come just as I am going to bed, or to the bathroom, or taking out the garbage, about to walk my dog, checking on a load of clothes in the laundromat, or any number of chores or activities.
She truly pouts, throws her hands up and down pounding or smashing them against the bed. She looks like a small child throwing tantrum.
Once upon a time, in the first few months, I used to give her that time or try to explain myself. Then the tantrums worked perfectly on me. But it often ended poorly. It was always a no-win battle for me.
This morning, at 5:25 AM, after hitting snooze for the second time, I finally forced myself to literally roll out of bed, reminding myself that I hadn't put out her medicine and supplements for the day, and that I had to pack her bridge game entry fee money (oh, and remember to give her a twenty so she can give ten to the caretaker who sneaks it back to me so I can repeat it the next day), and pack her Access A Ride money. I also needed to put out her medicinal, um, stuff. Then walk my dog then feed my dog and cat. Plus, I needed to put a snack in her purse for the day.
As I sat on the train at 6:25 AM on my way to today's job, I received a text from one of my mom's newest east coast bridge partners letting me know that the next day's schedule changed. So (*sigh*) sometime during my work day today I would have to spend at least fifteen minutes changing her schedule. I'd have to get that done before 5:00. I am suddenly remembering that I also need to schedule a second MRI, pay her water bill (which is now late), send money to her neighbor via my cousin to pay for lawn care. I need to find out about getting someone to look at her roof. I must pay the newest co-pay for her latest doctor's visit. Oh, shoot, I must make that eye doctor appointment as well as a breast exam and bring up having her stomach examined. I...I think that's it for now.
Yeah, I never do anything for her. Sigh...
Yeah, I have to apologize for all my tantrums I ever had as a kid, as well as every time I told her she didn't love me.
I wonder if she felt her money slipping away when I was little like I feel it slip away today. She's so expensive...
I finally bought myself new clothes and have decided to work on my materials needed for my career. I realized I had been neglecting myself like crazy while I spent time "never listening or doing anything" for her.
My year of hate
I can't believe how angry I am so much of the time
But what I hate is..."