Doesn't she look adorable in this picture. I was able to send her off with N for a 4 day bridge tournament in Atlantic City, NJ. It was a nice breather. Although it felt like it took me the full four days to unwind. My personal schedule was still quite full so I didn't feel as much of a break that I had hoped for.
I haven't written in a minute and it has everything to do with guilt.
I feel guilty for…
...complaining about my mom and growing to dislike having to take care of her when a good number of my friends have lost their mom and/or dad and would love to spend just one more second with them even if it was just for an argument.
Then I discovered the guilt and anger abandon me when I selfishly...
Currently, my cat is in kidney failure and my mom is finding, in her new home, folks have begun to leave her alone, like they did in her old home, and this includes me. There are traits of my mom that are easy to like, but unfortunately there are more traits that push people away and that sadly push my mom further into isolation. I feel sorry for her. And to tell the truth, if I haven’t already said this, if my mom, the woman she is today, was just some woman I met, I wouldn’t like her very much. She lies to every person including family and friends, and she gossips about everybody, especially family. The stress of caring for my ailing cat and my mom, who I struggle to like most of the time, is wearing me out.
But I think I am still pressing onward all the same. I think I am or maybe I’m just fooling myself. I am taking some steps forward towards my goals. They may be baby steps, but I am taking them.
I'm just writing to keep from losing it.